Coming from a Small town Called Omaruru in the Erongo Region Namibia.Growing up being told that what i felt is/was wrong and that i couldn’t express what i felt come natural or was natural to me.That feeling of suppressing my Gender identity and expression and in so doing at my own expense and unhappiness just to please my dad,who felt that no son of his will be a moffie (a Derogatory Afrikaans Term that is used for all LGBTI community), My Dad Constantly watched me and kept a close eye on me,i couldn’t be seen playing with girls or even talking to girls. i had to man up.My Dad was a very Typical Traditional Man and at that he was a soccer star in those times so he felt i was contradicting his accomplishment at the Hot Potato at that time.he was the Ladies man and a rising soccer star ,he didn’t want his son to bring shame on his accomplishments.he would let me carry his bag filled with his training gear and i remember i was 4 or 5 at that time and one day the bag was too heavy and i fell down and i remember Clearly that he got angry and kicked me telling me that i needed to man up when i cried he almost hit me telling me to stop those Moffie things and to stop crying like a girl because i am not a girl.
My Gender Expression was forcefully taken from me.the right to self identify and be who and what i wanted to be was denied.I remember that i got so Angry because i was a slave in my own Body and in my own live.that i didn’t have any freedom.Stigma and discrimination was rife if you didn’t Conform to the norm of society,people blamed witchcraft and the Devil and said that you were a demon if you didn’t confirm to the norms of culture and Religion greatly enforced this norm by labeling me as an abomination and a generational curse.Growing up was not easy.i had to wear dresses or make my own flowing garments from curtains when i was alone at home ,because i knew if someone found out there would be consequences for this.it was so difficult to even be a bit Feminine.In a society that was not exposed to Transgender people or Internet and the ignorance of Gender variant people was in abundance.
Moving to the Capital was a chance for me to explore and experience life in a progressive and more tolerant Settings.BOY oh Boy was i wrong there were a lot of visible people like me but i was scared to be associated because still stigma and discrimination was rife and then i knew every where else ain’t no better then where i came from,as much as there was an organization.i had to conform to the norm to get employment which is still the case.As a visible Transgender person employers tell you straight up we don’t employ people like you.it is not easy especially if you didn’t complete or have some form of higher education a degree or a diploma. Looking back at the things i had to do to get to where i am today ,i am not proud of somethings that i have done but i don’t regret them because those things have made a stronger and wiser person that i am today.
Now i know what ever comes my way i can Handle it and that too shall pass.i am no longer a victim but i am a survivor in a world that constantly rejects me,a world that constantly ignores me thinking i will disappear. A world that violates my Humanity and Dignity.A world that Questions even the purest of intentions,A world that Condones hate speech ,stigma and discriminations towards me and my community.A World that turns a blind eye to Violations against me and my community.a Nation that ridicules and questions my Fundamental Human rights that are mine by virtue of birth and violate those very rights that are there to protect me.Why should my gender identity be fixed?Who said my Gender Identity can not be changed? who made those laws.
Angry Rural Trans Woman